It Should Never Happen To A Traffic Warden.....

Headline issues that have appeared in any newspaper
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nighthawk
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It Should Never Happen To A Traffic Warden.....

Post by nighthawk » Fri May 16, 2008 10:35 am

Now after walking the meanstreets for a little over 15 years you tend to come across some fairly amusing incidents.. Here's just a few from my own experiences....

1) On patrol as usual on Peter Street, Manchester way back in 1991. I had my usual amount of vehicles on parking meters, and this being a wednesday morning it was time to wind up the clock work mechanism of these meters. However, one had to be carefull as from time to time they fought back and this particular morning was no exception.. Just as I inserted the key into the meter and started to wind the little devil up, the high tension spring inside snapped and yanked the key our of my fingers and spun off.. No problem I hear you say.. Well, it wouldn't have been except that it flew through the window of a rather exspensive looking american car out side a showroom.. Hmmmm.. To say that I was bricking it was an under statement..

2) Another nice warm day and working my way along a row of illegally parked vehicles on Jacksons Row, to the rear of Bootle Street Police Station.. Came to a firey red MG BGT.. As I placed the ticket under the wiper blade, the wiper arm came off.. So, un deturbed I placed it under the offside one instead.. Hmmm, that one came off too... So, unimpressed at this feat of great british engineering, I stuck them to the middle of the windscreen with the adhesive back of the FPN..

3) Driving our patrol car from Urmston to Longsight I was in company with a former colleague who has now retired. As I was travelling along Urmston Road a dog ran out. I breaked and took evasive action to avoid hitting the beast. As I stopped, my colleague got out of the car.. I heard him shout but wasn't too sure what it was he was shouting.. I soon realised that he was running down the road with this dog firmly attached to his arm.. Once I composed myself I eventually went to his assistance.. LOL!

4) Match day at MUFC.. As usual I was on traffic duty at the junction of Chester Road and Edge Lane, Stretford. It was getting late and the traffic had eased off so both me and a colleague stood back to monitor the flow of traffic.
We was drawn to the sound of a female screaming from the other side of the road. What we saw was a domestic between a male and a female. We decided to intervine to prevent her from be assaulted any more.. Anyway, I ran along the centre of the road in my bike kit (leathers, belstaff jacket, bike boots and BMW system 3 helmet) as did my colleague.. He for some unknown reason decided to jump over the railings.. Big mistake, it was a subway! After I heard the muffled cry of "You B*****d", I went over and saw him lying on the bottom feeling very sorry for myself.. I couldn't speak due to crying with laughter...

5) I was on temporary secondment with the local traffic unit shortly after we got our extended powers. Whilst being driven around the local area we intercepted a call from another Traffic Officer stating that she was in a pursuit.. Now, this particular female officer had a minor infliction where by she couldn't sound her "R's".. What we heard was this: "I'm behind a wed wange wover going wight off woscoes woundabout". My driver almost crashed laughing!

6) I was on Wilmslow Road, Rusholme and about to report a driver for parking within the controlled area of a pelican crossing. The driver arrived and appeared to be all worked up and flustered.. I didn't have the heart to report him, especially when I noticed the trail of toilet paper hanging from the back of his trousers! I couldn't stop laughing for ages!

7) On Traffic Duty Training on bright sunny day.. We didn't have Hi Vis jackets in them days, instead we had these Hi Vis sleeves to wear over our black coats. It was the turn of a little lady that I had worked with.. She slipped the Hi Vis sleeves onto her arm and she got ready for a number 1 stop signal.. Now remember I described her as little!
She went into action and did a superb #1 stop signal.. Trouble was, the sleeve flew straight off and landed on the windscreen of a passing truck.. One of the trainees was sat on a low wall watching the events that had just taken place.. I went out to the middle of the road to rescue the situation.. As I turned to stop the oncoming traffic, all I saw was a pair of legs sticking up from over this low wall.. With valour and tears streamin' down my face I retreated to the nearest place of safety to regain control of myself..


I'll search my memory banks for a few more....
Yea Thou I walk Through The Valley Of Death, I Fear No Evil.

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Re: It Should Never Happen To A Traffic Warden.....

Post by falkor » Sat May 17, 2008 5:32 pm

flippin heck Nighthawk, they are truly priceless

well told and well worth the read :lol: keep 'em coming my friend !!

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Re: It Should Never Happen To A Traffic Warden.....

Post by nighthawk » Sat May 17, 2008 5:40 pm

Might post the odd one on NT, what do you think?
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Re: It Should Never Happen To A Traffic Warden.....

Post by Chan76 » Mon May 19, 2008 6:33 am

:lol: :lol:

Very Good NH, keep em coming.....

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Re: It Should Never Happen To A Traffic Warden.....

Post by nighthawk » Wed May 21, 2008 5:09 pm

I'll have to get my good buddy fudgepanda to get his thinking head on...
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Re: It Should Never Happen To A Traffic Warden.....

Post by nighthawk » Mon May 26, 2008 9:02 am

One other incident that came to mind involved another of my old colleagues.. We received a call to check out an abandoned vehicle on a leafy part of Sale in Cheshire. On arrival we spotted the vehicle nose first into a stream.. As we were 3 up in our car me and another male colleague took the easy option to ID the car by walking over the roof to get the VRM. Not our female colleague who for reasons best known to herself walked into the stream.. The next thing I heard was that she had made a call via her personal readio stating that her boots were desolving!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me and other colleague went to take a look and saw that it was only antifreeze from the wrecked vehicles radiator.. Now, the scary bit was the reply from the police control room.. "WE'RE SENDING FIRE AND AMBULANCE TO YOUR SCENE". I heard the sirens from a few miles away.. What arrived was; 3 pump tenders, a hazchem unit, 2 ambulances, 1 rapid response unit, 2 Sgt's and an Inspector.. Both me and my male colleague beat a hasty retreat to our patrol vehicle whilst our female friend got roasted..

Silly woman!
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Re: It Should Never Happen To A Traffic Warden.....

Post by nighthawk » Mon May 26, 2008 9:06 am

Another time I was on foot patrol on a nice summers afternoon in Bramhall, Stockport when a Tactical Aid Unit pulled alongside. The side door opened and the next thing I knew was that I was on the receiving end of half a dozen super soakers.. I was drenched from head to foot! At least they didn't kidnap me..
A female colleague wasn't quite so lucky... The same TAU crew offered her a lift back to the station.. They didn't state which station though!
They dropped her off in New Mills, Derbyshire... Not quite the Longsight she had expected.. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Yea Thou I walk Through The Valley Of Death, I Fear No Evil.

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Re: It Should Never Happen To A Traffic Warden.....

Post by Guest » Sun Jan 18, 2009 9:25 pm

here is a war story you might like then

a few years ago a team of the METS finest were doing traffic duty at a very busy roundabout in west london 5 blokes and one very saucy female .
after an hour or so of carrying out traffic duty the correct way she decided to see if she could come up with an alternative way of persuading 3 lanes of fast moving traffic to stop

standing to one side she raised her skirt and displayed a very shapely thigh clad in finest nylon stocking,garter included .The traffic duly stopped with a screech all 3 lanes .

we all fell about laughing .Then spent 5 mins trying to get them moving again whilst our colleague hid in our van .
:lol:

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Re: It Should Never Happen To A Traffic Warden.....

Post by nighthawk » Mon Jan 19, 2009 11:29 am

Speaking of Traffic Duty.. I was training a group of Specials one afternoon at the junction of Berrycroft Lane and Barrack Hill, Bredbury, Stockport. Out of the group there was one of them who appeared to be the most confident. So, as planned I switched off the traffic signals and stepped out into the centre of the junction and performed a "Number 1" stop signal. I brought all 4 roads that merged at this junction to a stop. I summonsed the help of the Special Constable. I instructed him to start releasing one side at a time. He was doing well till I turned around to speak with the others.
All of a sudden horns were blaring away and the sound of running feet was to be heard.. As I looked I saw that everyrthing had stopped and assumed that he'd been run over!!!!!!
As I appraoched a truck driver said to me; "I saw him in the middle of the road so I slowed down. He just froze and then fainted"..
The land lord of the pub on the corner came out... He said; "My, you'll have to come here more often, it's good for business".
From then on, we held regular sessions there and the landlord supplied lunch behind the pub!

Another occasion.. We held a training session at the junction of Plymouth Grove and Upper Brook Street, Manchester. One TW who was with us was only quite short in height. We didn't have Hi Vis jackets in them days, but only a hi vis sleeve to pull on over each arm. Anyway, as this TW stepped out and peformed a number 1 stop signal, her hi vis sleeve flew off and landed onto the windscreen of a passing taxi.. I fell off the wall laughing!
Yea Thou I walk Through The Valley Of Death, I Fear No Evil.

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Re: It Should Never Happen To A Traffic Warden.....

Post by nighthawk » Mon Jan 19, 2009 11:34 am

The same TW who lost her Hi Vis sleeve was on Deansgate Manchester. She was issuing a FPN to a Scania HGV but couldn't reach the windscreen. So, she used her problem solving skills to work out a solution.
She proceded to climb onto the front fender of the truck and grab hold of the handles just below the screen. At that point, the driver got in, started up and not being aware of his new mascot on the front, he drove off.. He travelled almost the entire length of Deansgate before other motorsists alerted him to the terrified TW hanging on to the front of his truck..

Before you all ask... She accepted his appology for driving off, but he still got the ticket for parking!
Yea Thou I walk Through The Valley Of Death, I Fear No Evil.

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